Well since I am bloggin about dating I thought I would mention my most recent experience. Not so much per say as an experience but more of a piece of info. A couple months back I went on this date with this guy which I had thought was going really well. He was funny, attractive, similar sense of humor...yada yada. We went out for about 3 other dates. And even though I was liking this guy, something was giving me a gut feeling something was off. I even talked to my girlfriends about it. I kept thinking to myself, "I think he is dating someone else"...which that specifically I didnt have a problem with, but he was still asking me out...but it was in sperts. I was thinking that if a guy really was into me he would make an effort...call me, ask me to go out, do what he had to do because he couldnt be away. He was texting me almost everday so the confusion was laying on thick. Well he was polite enough to at least tell me after about 3/4 dates that he was dating someone else and it was going well with her. I was pretty bummed but I respected his honesty about the situation.
This has not been the first similar situation... so my gut was right. So I deleted him from my FB friends page, from my phone...everything. I was liking the guy but I was not liking the fact he wasnt diggin on me so why keep him around. I met him on a dating website, not a friend website, so in my mind I had no need to keep the connection.
Well as of tonight, I just found out he is apparently dating a friend/acquaintance of mine. This is the story of my life. Always the girl but never "the one".
It's ok, I will keep on dating and see what life has in store for me. positive thoughts. But those who know me and know me well, know the frustration I feel.
People keep saying it will come....but most of them time that is being said by those who are in love...those who have not been single for 3+ years. Most of this time I chose to be single. But It can be slightly frustrating and discouraging when I am not the one they choose when I think the spark is there. I cant push what is absent. So I continue to be who I am regardless.When it is said the guy is going with someone else..fine...okay. But when they are chosing someone I have gotten to know and hits a little closer to home for some reason the pain seems a little more real for some reason. And I dont even know if pain would even be the best description.
I will move forward. Move up. bite my words and choke on my emotions because all of that will subside and regurgitate.
Here is to my 2 dates this weekend.
Monday, September 20, 2010
my first dating blog experience_issue 1
***NOTE not completely proofed***
So as the years have passed I have not been asked out on many dates. People have thought I was crazy, but it seems as though the most successful experiences have been with guys I have met online. And since my last relationship I made a vow to myself to really pay attention to not only what I do want, but really honing in on what I DONT want, which can be the hardest thing at times. Not really just realizing it but tryusting your gut and intuition to tell when you when those issues or events come up.
I have dabbled in a variety of dating websites. My most recent has been signing back up on Match.com...yes back up. I signed up a while back, then stopped. Havent been on here for years. This time I told myself that even if it is going great on the phone or via text/email to not put all my eggs in one basket. I have decided to try to learn the art of dating, which means dating multiple guys at a time. I can no longer think that after one meeting my prince charming will come sweep me off my feet, although it would be a nice and a grand gesture to my hopeless romantic heart.
I have been on a few dates from match over the last couple months but my most memorable in the negative category just happened last night. And here I am to tell about it for the enjoyment of others.
I had a few email converstations with this man, 36 years old. He asked me for my phone number and thought it would be okay. Once I have a enough exchanes to feel comfortable I proceed with the phone number giving. I have to take the next step at some point. Although sometimes these days keeping my coversations strictly to email is sounding appealing. He picked up on the fact that I love to play pool, so he asked me to go to a local pool place to play. Of course I didnt turn that down. We met, and he was drinking a beer. Very attractive man. Great smile. He was making me laugh in the beginning and I was thinking to myself "wow this could actually go pretty well."
He asked me if I wanted a drink and toldhim about my most recent committment to lay off booz with the exception of once a month. We mentioned a couple times he couldnt believe I wasnt drinking. He had told me he had a rough day at work and I picked up on the part when he was saying he had a couple with his buddy before showing up to the place. *red flag 1*
We got a pool table and things we going okay. He was a little more loud than me so that was starting to throw me off a little. He was giving me compliments..telling me I was pretty, sexy, easy to be around, fun etc, etc. and at this point he was on beer 2 (not including what he had to drink before he got there). Then I come to find out he smokes. I could have sworn I double checked on that one. He asked if it was a deal breaker and I said pretty much. But we continued to play another round. I watched the tail end of the Padres game and he went outside to have a cigarette. awesome. *red flag 2*
By the third game and beating him at all three, I got the impression he doesnt like losing to a girl and kept telling me he hates pool. quickly *red flag 3 *
So we stood there for a few minutes talking and all of a sudden him "I want to see you naked." Me: "Excuse me? that is not the most appropriate thing to say to a girl on a first date. Him: "its not? I am just being honest" *red flag 4*
I asked how much he had to drink before he got there and he kept saying how he had a rough day at work. So we kept talking and he was getting a littlel louder and slightly obnoxious. *red flag 5* I told him I am just not big on a whole lot of drinking. Occasionaly sure is okay but to be on a first date, even buzzed in my book is just not something I like or an attractive quality.
We kept talking then him: "I want to have sex with you" me: "Well that is not going to happen" *red flag 6*
At this point bitch mode was starting to creep in becuase I just didnt really care if this date went south becuase in my opinion it already did. Sure someone can be funny, but to me there is a line drawn between funny and just plain inappropriate. Often times it is best to see how two people get along before throwing comments like the ones he said into the mix. He was starting to pick up on the fact that I was not happy about the situation and we both agreed to leave. Then I paid for the pool.*red flag 7*
As we walked out he asked me where I was parked and pointed across the parking lot. Over the years of experiencing online dating I have learned to never get in a car with someone on a first date, especially if I met them online. Experiences from friends and myself, has taught me to be cautious, which in my opinion is not a bad thing. If I was still cautious at date 4 then yes, that might start to be an issue.
He then asked me if he could give me a ride to my car. I polietly said "no thank you." He look at me with surprise and astonishment. He kept saying "why cant I give you a ride to your car' "just let me give you a ride". I told him he could walk me to my car and apprently thats not what he wanted. I told him I appreciate the gesture but my friends and myself have had experiences and I dont know him...that I wasnt going to get in the car with him, regardless of how far or close it was. He then shook my hand and walked away. *red flag 8*
Some people may think I was being a little over-protective but in my opinion I was doing the mature thing...especially these days. You never know really who you are going on a first or even a second date with. For someone to expect me to trust them after 2 hours of spending time together seems a little crazy to me. And as a man...if he really "liked me" as much as he told me and how "awesome" I was, he would be respectful to my wishes even if he didnt understand them.
I went to his profile to double check on his smoking list and it states he smokes occasionaly....in my opinion when you smoke occassionaly then you dont have a pack on you at all times. And when I did ask him, he didnt say "I smoke sometimes, he just said "yeah I smoke, is that a problem?" I can handle an occasional cigarette (not my pick), but an everyday smoker is a definite no for me.
I have to say that even though the recent dates I have been one this was prbably the worst in a long time. I know it could have been worse, but I was in awe. Do 8 red flags later, I am not going on a date with this dude again!
So as the years have passed I have not been asked out on many dates. People have thought I was crazy, but it seems as though the most successful experiences have been with guys I have met online. And since my last relationship I made a vow to myself to really pay attention to not only what I do want, but really honing in on what I DONT want, which can be the hardest thing at times. Not really just realizing it but tryusting your gut and intuition to tell when you when those issues or events come up.
I have dabbled in a variety of dating websites. My most recent has been signing back up on Match.com...yes back up. I signed up a while back, then stopped. Havent been on here for years. This time I told myself that even if it is going great on the phone or via text/email to not put all my eggs in one basket. I have decided to try to learn the art of dating, which means dating multiple guys at a time. I can no longer think that after one meeting my prince charming will come sweep me off my feet, although it would be a nice and a grand gesture to my hopeless romantic heart.
I have been on a few dates from match over the last couple months but my most memorable in the negative category just happened last night. And here I am to tell about it for the enjoyment of others.
I had a few email converstations with this man, 36 years old. He asked me for my phone number and thought it would be okay. Once I have a enough exchanes to feel comfortable I proceed with the phone number giving. I have to take the next step at some point. Although sometimes these days keeping my coversations strictly to email is sounding appealing. He picked up on the fact that I love to play pool, so he asked me to go to a local pool place to play. Of course I didnt turn that down. We met, and he was drinking a beer. Very attractive man. Great smile. He was making me laugh in the beginning and I was thinking to myself "wow this could actually go pretty well."
He asked me if I wanted a drink and toldhim about my most recent committment to lay off booz with the exception of once a month. We mentioned a couple times he couldnt believe I wasnt drinking. He had told me he had a rough day at work and I picked up on the part when he was saying he had a couple with his buddy before showing up to the place. *red flag 1*
We got a pool table and things we going okay. He was a little more loud than me so that was starting to throw me off a little. He was giving me compliments..telling me I was pretty, sexy, easy to be around, fun etc, etc. and at this point he was on beer 2 (not including what he had to drink before he got there). Then I come to find out he smokes. I could have sworn I double checked on that one. He asked if it was a deal breaker and I said pretty much. But we continued to play another round. I watched the tail end of the Padres game and he went outside to have a cigarette. awesome. *red flag 2*
By the third game and beating him at all three, I got the impression he doesnt like losing to a girl and kept telling me he hates pool. quickly *red flag 3 *
So we stood there for a few minutes talking and all of a sudden him "I want to see you naked." Me: "Excuse me? that is not the most appropriate thing to say to a girl on a first date. Him: "its not? I am just being honest" *red flag 4*
I asked how much he had to drink before he got there and he kept saying how he had a rough day at work. So we kept talking and he was getting a littlel louder and slightly obnoxious. *red flag 5* I told him I am just not big on a whole lot of drinking. Occasionaly sure is okay but to be on a first date, even buzzed in my book is just not something I like or an attractive quality.
We kept talking then him: "I want to have sex with you" me: "Well that is not going to happen" *red flag 6*
At this point bitch mode was starting to creep in becuase I just didnt really care if this date went south becuase in my opinion it already did. Sure someone can be funny, but to me there is a line drawn between funny and just plain inappropriate. Often times it is best to see how two people get along before throwing comments like the ones he said into the mix. He was starting to pick up on the fact that I was not happy about the situation and we both agreed to leave. Then I paid for the pool.*red flag 7*
As we walked out he asked me where I was parked and pointed across the parking lot. Over the years of experiencing online dating I have learned to never get in a car with someone on a first date, especially if I met them online. Experiences from friends and myself, has taught me to be cautious, which in my opinion is not a bad thing. If I was still cautious at date 4 then yes, that might start to be an issue.
He then asked me if he could give me a ride to my car. I polietly said "no thank you." He look at me with surprise and astonishment. He kept saying "why cant I give you a ride to your car' "just let me give you a ride". I told him he could walk me to my car and apprently thats not what he wanted. I told him I appreciate the gesture but my friends and myself have had experiences and I dont know him...that I wasnt going to get in the car with him, regardless of how far or close it was. He then shook my hand and walked away. *red flag 8*
Some people may think I was being a little over-protective but in my opinion I was doing the mature thing...especially these days. You never know really who you are going on a first or even a second date with. For someone to expect me to trust them after 2 hours of spending time together seems a little crazy to me. And as a man...if he really "liked me" as much as he told me and how "awesome" I was, he would be respectful to my wishes even if he didnt understand them.
I went to his profile to double check on his smoking list and it states he smokes occasionaly....in my opinion when you smoke occassionaly then you dont have a pack on you at all times. And when I did ask him, he didnt say "I smoke sometimes, he just said "yeah I smoke, is that a problem?" I can handle an occasional cigarette (not my pick), but an everyday smoker is a definite no for me.
I have to say that even though the recent dates I have been one this was prbably the worst in a long time. I know it could have been worse, but I was in awe. Do 8 red flags later, I am not going on a date with this dude again!
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